Monday, May 11, 2009

To Be Called "Mom"

When Keith and I started dating "for real" (perhaps another time, I'll share the reason for the quotation marks), we spent alot of time talking about children - not necessarily our future children together because that would mean we were really serious - and I wasn't ready to commit to that yet. We talked about how a child would behave, dress, wear their hair, our hopes and dreams for each of our respective children,etc... I guess testing each other to make sure we were on the same page, without admitting that we hoped our children would be OUR children.

After I did commit, and we eventually got married, we began to think that maybe God had a different plan for us than parenthood. Maybe we weren't going to be parents. Maybe, I was never going to be a Mom. Perhaps He was teaching us patience, that it would be in His timing, not ours, by His plan, not ours. Perhaps He was teaching us to rely on Him. Whatever His reason, we waited. We relied. We prayed alot. And then it happened. I was pregnant.

My excitement over learning I was pregnant was quickly replaced by 5 months of "morning" sickness that lasted 24/7 and then 4 months of bed rest. Again, I wondered if maybe God didn't intend this for us. And then, when my baby boy was born, there were complications and it wasn't looking good - for me. As I felt myself slipping into another place, I just prayed God would allow me to hold my boy once before He took me Home. Well, obviously, that prayer was answered, and I will never stop holding my role as a Mom as my most treasured, and most important.

("The Moms" of May 2009)

Mother's Day is a day to thank our Moms for all that they do for us, but for me, it is also one of 365 that I praise God for giving me the blessing of just being one. Personally, Mother's Day is a time to reflect on the circumstances that lead up to becoming a Mom, so that at those moments when I wish I had another name: (MOM! he hit me, MOM! where's my uniform, MOM! What's for dinner?, MOM! I have a project due today and you need to..., MOM! I'm hungry, MOM! she's on my side of the couch, MOM! He took the remote, MOM! she made that face at me! Mom! You need to do wash, MOM! drive me to...MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!!!!!!) I remember that blessing.

Nine months after I prayed that prayer to hold my boy just once, I found out I was pregnant again. A much easier pregnancy and a "T.V. delivery" according to my doctor. And a girl. It was a girl. Perhaps a future mom. May my example prepare her for whatever God has planned.

Okay..that may require ALOT of prayer...

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